“That One Time When Every Boy I’ve Ever Paid Attention To Became Disillusioned With The Concept Of Perfection And Decided He Would Rather Just Be Alone”

Ignore that violin being played with a knife.
No one else can hear those ear-piercing wails.

You will lie awake in the dark with your heart beating so loud and so fast
That you can’t even hear yourself over the roar.

You will crawl up someone like ivy,
Winding so tight with cancerous vines made of glass
That you begin to strangle him.
But you can’t stop
Because you would shatter on the concrete.

There will be a balloon in your chest that swells and swells and threatens to pop,
Materializing as a scream,
But it could just as easily deflate,
Forcing you to collapse in on yourself.
You’re not sure which would be preferable –
But you do know that you want something to happen.

You will have to breathe your life from someone else’s lips.
Becoming some cruel, cadaverous distortion of yourself.
Swimming through heavy, suffocating blackness as people on the outside
Shake their heads and
Watch you disintegrate like you’re in a fishbowl.

You bound yourself with rope
To the train tracks.
Because you’re desperate to believe the fallacy that
Sometimes the strongest type of love
Comes out of something tumultuous.

– P.B.

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