“Taking Inventory”

I have slept deeply and I have sobbed heavily. I have loved without self-regard, and sometimes without self-respect.

I have sung loudly and I have stifled screams.

I have gone to bed whole and woken up lonely. And I have gone to bed alone and woken up alive.

I have thrown myself wholeheartedly into walls. I have called all the right names, but turned all the wrong heads.

I have driven myself off cliffs and into water.

I have swallowed my words and ground my teeth and rolled my eyes. I have defiantly slammed doors, but rushed back to peek through the cracks.

I have made secrets and I have kept them.

I have been eager to expose myself. I have ripped off the Band-Aid too soon.

I have mistaken crazy for passionate. I have opened my soul like a floodgate for things that weren’t real.

But I have time.

And I have not changed my mind.

– P.B.

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