Tag Archive | dating

A Collection of Comments Made by Boys about My Appearance

I like your body,
It’s . . . authentic looking.
 
I think your freckles are cute.
 
You need to eat more.
Don’t eat cucumbers,
That will make you thin.
 
How much do you even weigh?
If you had a baby, it would break you in half.
I like your makeup.
 
You’re so fucking cute.
I have a bigger boobs than you.
So fucking cute.
 
It’s . . . it’s a nice handful.
Nobody who matters would care about that.
 
You’re perfect naturally, you don’t need makeup.
 
This one is little’ums and this one is big’ums.
I think they’ve grown since I last saw you.
 
You look like a famous person.
I don’t know who,
But doesn’t she look like someone famous?
 
Would you get that tattoo removed if you could?
Are you seriously going to wear that?
Are you kidding?
 
Oh wow, it really is crooked.
I could snap your wrist in half.
 
Your bottom lip is huge.
It’s like you don’t even have a top lip.
 
I always thought that about you,
That you have a really nice profile.
I wondered if you knew it.
 
Your hands aren’t beaten up,
Not a woodworker.
Maybe a little artistic.
 
Do you even eat?
Yeah, you should just get that taken off.
 
I can see your armpit hair, that’s really gross.
Do you have to shave your mustache?
I know some girls do.
 
Those are way too short.
You’re showing off your legs,
It’s like you’re flirting with every guy you see.
 
You have a big nose.
You have a big forehead.
You have really nice teeth.
I love your little Paige freckles.
 
I like in a ponytail.
I like it straightened.
I like your morning hair.
 
Not that you need your beauty sleep.

– P.B.

Incoherent Ramblings from an Airport

This morning I was in Paris with my boyfriend. Nine hours later, I’m waiting in the Toronto airport for my connection flight back to Windsor.

Life is funny sometimes. Things have seemed so uncertain for me lately. After being in France for two and a half weeks, I’m not ready to go back to real life. I love my university and all of the opportunities that I have there, but I feel sick about going back. It’s going to be different without having my boyfriend there anymore, and even though I’m going to be busy, I know I’m going to feel lonely. Although I had a great trip and enjoyed getting to spend time with him after a long summer of Skyping and DuoLingo, I feel like no matter how much time he gives me, I always crave more. I don’t like being dependent, but I feel like I don’t have the energy to stand by myself. The same insecurities and jealousy issues that bothered me earlier this summer are going to resurface. It’s inevitable. I don’t know how to describe it except to say that some days I don’t feel like a whole person.

Because of the time change, I am living this day twice. Well, the afternoon/early evening, at least. I’m exhausted, and I still have two more hours of a layover, a short one-hour flight, then a two-hour drive home from Windsor. I know my family is going to be excited to see me and hear about my trip, but I’m just going to want to sleep. I feel like I’ve been living in a dream world for the last few weeks. A life that I could’ve had if I’d done things differently, but one that isn’t really obtainable for me.

One of the issues is that my boyfriend is second guessing his plans of moving to America after he graduates. He thinks we could be happy in France, but I know I couldn’t do it. I want to learn French, but I feel like it’s too late. If I lived there, I couldn’t even go to the movies or the library. I couldn’t have the career I want. No matter what I do, I’ll never be as good at writing in French as a French writer would be. I couldn’t even interview civilians for news stories because I don’t speak the language. I don’t want to be an immigrant who can’t speak the language. I know it’s ridiculous for me to want my boyfriend to move to America for me when I know I couldn’t return the favor by moving to France, but I know that I couldn’t handle it. He says we shouldn’t worry about it yet, but I can’t cope with being in a long-distance relationship with no end in sight. I love him, and I believe that he loves me too, but sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough person for this.

On the flight from Paris, I met another girl from Michigan who was flying into Windsor. She was returning from what was supposed to be a month-long European tour with her boyfriend, but coming back a week early because he decided two weeks into the trip to confess that he had cheated on her twice during his study abroad this summer. Makes my situation seem a little less terrible.

Airports are funny places. Before this trip, I had only flown once, and never by myself. I’ve been thinking a lot about all of the different emotions swarming around airports. They seem like such sterile places, but the people in them are not. Twice now, my boyfriend and I have said goodbye at security gates. But our sadness over our separation is balanced by another couple who is being reunited at another gate. Some people are bubbling with excitement for long-awaited vacations or new lives, while others are traveling to attend funerals or business meetings. Everyone in an airport has a purpose, maybe that’s why I like being here. Although everyone here is on a completely different track, we’re all united by the fact that we are going somewhere.

Insights on Love from 2011

I found a handwritten note in a box in my room dated 6/24/2011. I was sixteen when I wrote it, knee deep in a high school relationship that would last for three years and end explosively during my first semester of college. As I struggle to find my place in my current relationship, it surprises me how I’m still feeling the same things I felt four years ago. Anyway, here is my sixteen year-old self’s reflection on love:


One of the worst types of pain is the pain you feel when you learn that someone you loved, trusted, and idealized isn’t as perfect as you thought they were. When we are in love, we want to believe the other person is flawless, and entirely ours. But when we learn of their imperfections, it becomes hard for us to distinguish which parts of them are real and which parts of them we have imagined to preserve our own sanity. 


“Candle on the Water”

Did anyone else forget about this gem, sung by Helen Reddy in Pete’s Dragon? Makes me think about The Great Gatsby, too.

I went to a wedding yesterday, and it got me thinking a lot about my relationship and how we’re handling this long-distance business. I thought I was doing really well, but there will always be moments when I feel powerless. I guess tonight is one of those nights. I just have to keep reminding myself that I would probably feel that way sometimes, even if he wasn’t across the ocean living in a parallel dimension that exists six hours into the future (that’s how time zones work, right?). I really do believe that everything will be okay in the long run, but there is a lot of time standing between now and then. I just have to stay focused on that candle (or green light) in the distance!

Also, I threw away my ex-boyfriend’s bathing suit. Didn’t even ask if he wanted it back.

Sad Songs for When Your Foreign-Exchange-Student Boyfriend Goes Back to France

I dropped my boyfriend off at the airport last night and we officially began the trans-Atlantic portion of our relationship. I’m sad that he’s gone, but feel more confident in this relationship than I have felt in any of my previous ones. I can’t wait to go visit him in August, but for now I will let myself enjoy some mopey music.

1. “Night” by Bill Callahan

2. “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers

3. “All I Know” by Art Garfunkel

4. “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down

5. “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri